Caged

Finding love in a man cause I don't have a dad
Growing up without one this shit is sad
Wanting all the nice things despite the fact I never got spoiled by him
Letting you discipline me cause I think it's right
Seeing all the low life niggas that entered me and my moms life
I'm not in love with you only the sex
That's the only time I feel like I'm the best
Letting me call you daddy because I never got the chance to say it for real
Looking back to all the niggas that hurt me but yet I keep my lips seal
Seen my mother get mistreated by so many wrong niggas
Don't know how I'm suppose to be treated cause I never had a father figure
Looking back when my innocence got violated
I always search for the wrong in every boy that Ive dated
Thinking you can fill in the empty spot in my heart
Cause I never had a father from the start
Yes it hurt I do feel the pain
The pain is no longer there when I'm screaming your name
Sharing all my pain with you thinking you will understand
But yet you do the exact same things to me that I loath in a man
I've been hurt so many times that in a man I search for protection
But I can't keep him with my bad connection
My father died when I was just a little girl
So no I don't know how it feels to be somebodies world
Im 17 now and still don't know that feeling
And I drink to keep the pain away, my tears are concealing 
Every single man that entered my life eventually hurt me
So NO I don't need a man and soon the world will see
I'm not a little girl anymore so no need to hide the truth
That i hid in the closet so he wouldnt rape me too
That I told him to take me and not my little sister
That I never told anybody this until I got bigger
So do you think I trust any man
That beats my mother and tries to touch me with the same hand
So yes I wish I had somebody to protect me
Cause the world we live in eats us up viscously
Seen my mother get beat so no I don't trust a man
Father got killed by his very own friends nobody will ever understand
I've got used and abuse but I cover it up with a smile
So now I look happy but that's only for a while
But then I come home
Cutting myself even though the pain is way deeper
Dreaming of a outcome just makes me a believer
My outcome is always leaving and joining heaven
I was never happy and I'm not good at pretending
Pretending that I didn't get touch by 30 year old man in the wrong place
Pretending that my mom didn't get beat by her husband and I watched him stomped in her face
Pretending that my mom didn't have to sell drugs to keep a roof over our head
Pretending that this man kisses my mom and touched me in the same bed
So I'll pretend and act like I come from a good home
Pretend that I don't need anybody I like to be alone
Cause we all know that pain is only temporary

So feel free to cry whenever is necessary 

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